A reflection on envy

We cannot escape our feelings. They show up in unexpected ways and govern our behavior. Unless, we give them space to go through us. This is especially crucial when it comes to negative feelings. It is difficult and uncomfortable to let them do what they must to us. Is painful. Therefore, we push them down into the bottom floor of our consciousness and, it is from that place, that they keep operating.

Envy. Is one of those feelings that is uncomfortable to feel and therefore, to acknowledge. Someone has an object, an attribute or a skill that we want. It makes us feel uncomfortable. But we respect or love the other person and we don't want to act out on it. So we swallow it and smile.

I wonder what is the best way to handle it, feel it and don't let it govern us from the shadows.

I remember ceremonies, where an individual acquires a greater status in a group, the rest of the group is allowed to punish the individual. For instance, in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, when you get a new belt, the rest of the group form a tunnel and hit you with their belts. In the Scouts, is the same. This serves as a sublimation for the envy that arises in each individual of the group maintaining the harmony of the group.

Recently, many events in my life have let me puzzled. How someone that supposedly loves me can do or stop doing something that feel like a betrayal. They stop calling me. They cancel or ignore a request they promised. They disregard my feelings or behave in a mean way towards me.

Most of the time I can point out an instance when I hurt them in some way. Initially, they would say "it's ok, I understand" and weeks after they would have their revenge.

I guess I do that too. I am, after all, made of the same wires.

That is why, I fear so much succeeding, because I am aware that it will eventually come back to me in some sort of punishment.

How do we then, protect ourselves from self-sabotage. How do we prevent the fear of winning. How do we stop the fear of retaliation to paralyse us in inaction.

Well, the first thing we have to acknowledge is that is not personal. That this is how people manage their envy. We should observe it happening and understand. Also hold people accountable for their actions. Non in an aggressive way, but just stating what it is happening. Give people understanding and a little bit of slack. But warn them that what they are doing doesn't sit well with us. And then, carry on with succeeding, because self-sabotage is not the answer. A person who loves himself doesn't hurt himself to appeace the envy of others. The same way it is inevitable to feel envy, it is inevitable to make people feel different. However, we want to be surrounded by people who's envy is not gonna hurt us. We want people around us that feel happy for us. People that are able to handle their emotions and understand that what is good for others is not bad for themselves. It is difficult to find those kind of people, and those are what we call friends.